Counselling for People Pleasing

People Pleasing

For some, people pleasing is hard work, always looking after someone’s needs, wants, and desires, and this can become a burden. However, being honest with people can feel too risky and you may be fearful of being viewed as selfish or rude. Doing things for others is only part of the issue; people pleasing can often lead to agreeing with others, even when this is in complete conflict to your own personal values and goals.

People pleasing is not the problem – for many, the underlying issue stems from low self-worth and a yearning for external approval. The feeling of security and self-confidence is based on the approval of others: “if others accept and like me then I must be an okay person”. Thus, you have become detached from your ability to acknowledge and value your needs, to be able to trust in yourself when making decisions based on your wants and desires.

Below are common traits relating to people pleasers:

• You may behave in ways based on what other people think of you.
• You may never admit when your feelings are hurt because you are always thinking of other’s feelings.
• You may not want to cause offence or conflict; you can show compassion to others, but very rarely to yourself.
• You might feel like screaming inside, as what is going on inside you is nothing like what you are portraying on the outside.
• You might lack the self-confidence to stand up for yourself for the fear of rejection.

By living your life to meet other’s expectations, you are not being truthful to yourself.

When you are busy pleasing everyone and seeking external approval, the sense of ease and security you receive is short lived. You will be suppressing strong emotions, such as anger, rage, bitterness, and annoyance. You might not be aware of your suppressed emotions; you may describe this as feeling stressed, but either way, you cannot give yourself tirelessly to others without this taking its toll.

If people pleasing is getting in the way of your well-being, counselling can help you to understand what is really going on, enabling you to have a better relationship with yourself and others.

• You will be given a safe place where you will be understood, free from any judgement.
• Learn how to be assertive and honest with others in a respectful way.
• Find your self-worth from the inside, not from the outside.
• Learn to acknowledge and accept your true feelings.
• Take responsibility for your own happiness.

If you are a people pleaser, and you need help to build your confidence and self-worth, please get in touch to find out how counselling can help you.